I first began my
work on the Dedicant's Path in 2012, when I originally joined ADF. I
had been Pagan for years or so prior to that, but I had never felt
called to a particular pantheon or group of deities; instead my
spirituality was largely centered around nature spirits and the Earth
Mother, and a reverence for the mythology of JRR Tolkien's The
Silmarillion. I stayed in this
place for a long time, trying to reconcile my generalized
understanding of deity with ADF's emphasis on treating the gods as
individuals. In July of 2013, uncertain of whether or not ADF
was truly for me, I posted a question about Tolkien's mythology on
the general facebook page. It
engendered a wonderful discussion, and set me on a path to develop a
new way of thinking about the gods and spirits; and also encouraged
me in the pursuit of study with ADF.
One
particular piece of advice I received was to look to the cultures and
mythology that Tolkien was inspired by. I decided to pursue this
idea, and ended up studying
the Germanic deities, eventually arriving at the conclusion that my
Earth Mother who I had honored for so long was Nerthus. I also began
flamekeeping for Brigid with a group on the forum eCauldron, and
pursued a relationship with Manannán
mac Lir. As I continued to study and practice, I also began forming
relationships with Frige (Anglo-Saxon equivalent of Frigga) and
Thunor (Anglo-Saxon Thor) by offering to Them in both traditional and
non-traditional ways: usually beer for Thunor and time spend
crocheting for Frige. As I learned more about traditional Germanic
views of land wights through reading Kvedulf Gundarsson's Elves,
Wights, and Trolls, I also began
honoring my local landvaettir in a more traditional way; pouring
offerings over a stone in my backyard once per week. I
did a great deal of genealogy work, learning about my ancestors and
my past, talking to my grandmother about how she was raised and all
the people she loved and remembered who were now passed; and working
to build relationships with them through offerings as well.
As
the summer unfolded into winter, and winter to spring, I continued to
feel called to honor more deities of both the Irish, Anglo-Saxon, and
other Germanic pantheons; to the point where my devotional and ritual
schedule got a little crazy. I would offer to the Germanic, the Irish
and the land wights as separate groups once a week, and also add in
individual offerings to those deities I particularly honored, which
had now grown to include the Cailleach, Danu, Oghma, Skadhi, Frey and
Freyja, Eostre, and Hreda. It was an incredibly busy schedule, and
soon began to be unsustainable while also caring for my three
children and keeping up with the housework (usually as an offering to
the house wights)!
Near
the end of May of this year, my computer suddenly went caput, putting
me out of contact with most of my Pagan friends and cutting off my
primary avenue of research (not to mention completely arresting my
progress on the DP). Getting a new one right away was not financially
feasible, so I made do with what I had, and as the weather grew
warmer and the sunshine stronger I spent more and more time out of
doors connecting with Nerthus and the landvaettir. Now, I do not
possess a 'god-phone' as some call it who hear the deities speak
directly to them or can easily meet the gods on otherworld journeys.
But I spent a great deal of time this summer just
sensing, and
meditating on the nature of the gods.
Later
that month, my grandfather died. I withdrew from almost everything
around me, stopped offering to most of the deities I had honored
before, and focused my attention on what I knew I needed to get
through my grief: the spirit of my grandfather, Nerthus, and the
land. A few weeks after his passing, I went to the place where his
ashes were scattered (the graves of my great-grandparents), and
performed my own version of the ritual 'sitting-out' of the Germanic
peoples. I kept vigil on the graves through the night, meditating and
sharing offerings of Crown Royale, asking the spirit of my
grandfather to visit me. And eventually, he did. Not in a physical or
even auditory manifestation, but as a presence I could sense was him,
just as you'd know without looking if your mother walked into a room.
I told him I missed him, and then felt there was no need, because he
would be with me as long as I remembered him. I came out of the
cemetery that morning knowing just where to go next.
Later
that week, I made time for a ritual devoted to communicating with
Nerthus through divination. I asked Her, with the runes, how I should
steer my personal practice going forward; since the way I had been
doing things was unsustainable for me. Her message was very clear: I
have always loved Her and loved the land, and my focus should rest on
Her and the gods of the land, Her children and the
gods of Her pantheon.
Since
that time, I have kept up my offerings to my Ancestors (especially my
grandfather) and my offerings to the local land wights. I also
continue to offer specifically to Nerthus, by thanking Her for each
meal and leaving a small bit of it to be composted. I have begun a
new weekly practice of ritual and offering to specific members of
Germanic pantheons: Frey and Freyja, Thunor, Sunne, Njordh, Gerda,
and Jord – which is still a rather long list, but having one ritual
of offering to all simplifies things greatly. I also honor Sunne,
Eostre, and Earendel (possibly an Anglo-Saxon god of the morning
star, but that's largely my UPG) with a quick prayer to the dawn
every morning. It's certainly
possible that in the future the scope of deities that I honor will
once again widen further; but for now, this is where Nerthus wants me
to be – and I believe that in pursuing this goal, I will be able to
form an even deeper relationship with the Kindred that I honor.