Coming Home

Well, it has certainly been awhile since I've been able to post here.  October through December are certainly the busiest times for Pagans; planning Samhain or Winternights rituals, attending them all, and then starting the process over for Yule can be very daunting, especially when the weather is chill and the wind is fierce.  There's also something about the waning of the year that often takes the spirit out of my writing.. it's difficult to become motivated, to form new ideas, when it seems as if all things are laying down to rest.

Nonetheless, I wanted to share with all my readers some very exciting news - the Order of the Red Grail, a Wiccan coven and fantastic group of people who I attend ritual with regularly are raising money to build a retreat center here in Nebraska.  I know many of you are of the more Heathen or other non-Wiccan varieties of Pagan, and this is great for those of us in these camps too!  The Red Grail has been around for twenty years, and has been such a huge supporter of other Pagan groups trying to start up in the region - Nebraska Heathens United consistently has events co-hosted with the Red Grail, and the local ADF Druid group (Prairie Shadow Protogrove) just helped perform lovely Yule ritual for the Wiccans' solstice party.  Having land open for Pagan use in the area would mean so much to many of the groups in eastern Nebraska.  Please stop by the IndieGoGo campaign and help by donating or spreading the word!

I have a small Yule ritual prepared for Frey and Njord that I'll be posting the next few days before the solstice, so keep your eyes out!  Thank you all.

Feeding Your Fire

Photo by Dirk Beyer

After coming home from Pagan Pride Day, I was exhausted.  That next morning, I didn't have the energy to get up and attend my local UU church with my children, and quickly realized as the day progressed that I didn't have the energy to go out and do much of anything.  After discovering my daughter was sick and taking her to Urgent Care, I honestly really didn't want to attend ritual with my local coven that night.  But I had said I would go, and so I wearily trudged out and attempted to make conversation and engage in my normal cheery attitude.

We talked about the dark time of the year, and the things that keep us going through the darkness.  We talked about those things singular to us, that make us who we are.  I'm not Wiccan, and though I enjoy both the company of those others in the coven and the inter-connectedness of our midwest Pagan community, it's sometimes tricky for me to pull meaning from the metaphors and language so common to Wiccan dialogue.  For instance, the concepts of Maiden, Mother and Crone are not powerful archetypes for me, and discussion of them and their relations to the season can sometimes go over my head.  But at these rituals, there are almost always powerful moments of community relation or introspection that are not specific to Wicca, that go straight through denominational lines and relate a message that is both needed and helpful.

During last night's ritual, we built a fire together as a community.  And together, we discovered within ourselves the things which keep our fire going during the times of darkness, when the sun diminishes and many people naturally feel a little more down, a little more tired.  For me, that thing is a joyful attitude.  Growing up as a sad little kid, my mother always taught me to 'fake it til you make it'; to smile at others no matter what you're feeling inside.  Though I know this can often be a very harmful message, it has ultimately proven to be a good one for me.  I don't talk about it much because of that same childhood conditioning, but I get depressed.  Often, and seriously.  But my smile, and cheerful attitude around others - something that people have often complimented me on throughout my life - often actually helps to lift the fog a bit.  It's so ingrained in me that I honestly can't not be cheerful with people I don't know extremely well; but my smiles spread smiles.  And the more I can brighten others' days, the more mine is brightened in return.  This is why getting out and doing social things can be so difficult sometimes - it's hard to prepare myself to be cheerful when I'm feeling awful or completely apathetic - but once I get out there, the light of others energizes my own heart.  Inspiring happiness in others feeds my fire.

High Holy Day Essay: Beltane

At Beltane, I attended a ritual held by the Order of the Red Grail. The ritual itself was very traditionally Wiccan, casting a circle, calling the four Elements and the God and Goddess, and was led by two High Priestesses. In preparation for the ritual, each member of the group had researched a deity associated with love or relationships and acted as that deity in the ritual; each giving speeches trying to prove that they were the 'best' god or goddess of love. I represented Aengus of the Irish pantheon, and had a fantastic time.

 After the ritual, the High Priestess crowned the May Queen (which I was rewarded for my stirring portrayal of Aengus!) and I led the group in a traditional Maypole dance – the pole was beautifully decorated with ribbon by the time we were finished. When the dancing was finished, we had a potluck and enjoyed the beautiful weather and each other's company. It was a very enjoyable ritual for me, though I think the most powerful part of the day was the dance – I always build a lot of energy and get great joy from simple easy exercise, especially when there are so many people to enjoy it with.

The Blogosphere is Erupting Again

There has been a lot of talk in the Pagan community lately about privilege, specifically the privilege that those who follow a Wiccan-based path (eg, circle casting, elements, etc) have in the Pagan community.  Last spring, Yvonne Aburrow posted on Patheos that the Pagan umbrella is leaking, referring to some hard polytheists (or devotional polytheists, there are a few terms used to describe the same basic idea) choosing not to also be identified as 'Pagan'.  Than this fall, Ruadhán posted about (and I believe coined the term) Wiccanate privilege (referring those who follow a path that has many outward commonalities with Wicca).  Then at Pantheacon, Don Frew and P. Sufenas Virius Lupus hosted a discussion about the same topic.

I can't speak to the Pagan community at large - and by that I mean that big, over-arching community that somehow seems to form up across geographical barriers (and is especially apparent at festival-time, a privilege I have thus far been lacking in).  I can only talk for those small corners of the world which I do know fairly well; but I do have quite a bit of experience in those small corners.

When I first started looking for real Pagan community in my area, instead of being a solitary forever, I attended a few rituals and study-groups for a group called Pagans of Nebraska.  Now, I don't want it to sound like I am bad-mouthing them or complaining - one of the admins is a good friend, and I think they are doing some important work in holding open, public rituals anyone is welcome to attend.  However, I did have a few difficulties there that has led me to drawing back - I haven't attended an event of theirs since October.  The first difficulty was study groups.  Though the group's very name, Pagans of Nebraska, makes it out to be a pan-Pagan organization where any path would be welcome, at discussion groups, my input about Heathen holidays or Gaelic traditions was either ignored or interrupted to talk more about Wicca-esque ideals - not by the other participants, but by the leaders of the group.  I was frustrated, but figured the name was disingenuous and just went about my business.  I'm a big believer in "when in Rome, do as the Romans", and so when the group was petitioned for Quarter-callers, I agreed to call the East.  When dismissing, I ended with (what I think is a fairly Wicca-standard!) "hail and farewell!" and.. crickets.  While all others had gotten a rousing "blessed be!", my friend was the only person to repeat the phrase.  If a Heathen at a supposedly pan-Pagan ritual can't even get a response to "hail and farewell!", I just didn't think I had much of a future there.  And so I quietly resolved that the hour drive just wasn't worth it, and stopped coming to events.  I didn't make an effort to talk about why I had felt excluded, or point out the problematic element of the group's name if they only intended to do Wiccan-style rituals and discussions; because that would have caused drama - and I hate drama way more than being (probably unconsciously) excluded.  But that's Wiccanate privilege.  For a person on a path that shares many practices with Wicca, all they have to do is show up to the group and enjoy.  For me to have rituals or discussions that applied to me at all, I would both have had to bring up the topic and strongly resist attempts at being shut down - not because the leaders didn't like me or wanted me to leave, but because they were genuinely uninterested in what I, whose personal spirituality is not Wiccan in any way, had to contribute.

So that was my first example of Wiccanate privilege, and it left me pretty frustrated.  Luckily, I had also been attending another group - the Order of the Red Grail, which is explicitly Wiccan (lineaged from Gardner, actually, though not Gardnerian).  How this group that is explicitly Wiccan got to be more open and accepting of other forms of Paganism than a group called 'Pagans of Nebraska' is beyond me, but that's how it is.  They even sponsored a new-ish local Heathen group, Nebraska Heathens United, so they would also be able to utilize the facilities of the UU church with minimal cost.  Some group members will attend every NHU event, even their educational classes which talk specifically about Norse-related subjects.  And in response, the Heathen leaders almost always attend Red Grail events as well!  It's fantastic.  The leaders of the Red Grail know a lot more about Heathenry than I'd guess most pan-Pagan group leaders do.  I've had to do a bit of education on ADF Druidry vs. the Celtic-only, romantic Druid standard, but they're willing to listen.  After a few confusing conversations, everyone remembers and is really good about me honoring Anglo-Saxon and Gaelic deities.  After a few months of attending their Full Moon rituals, I applied to be a student - for a few reasons, the biggest being that I was thankful to have some Pagan community, especially one that was so welcoming to other paths; and the other important one is that whole Pagan clergy thing I'd like to do.. I kind of have to know a bit about Wicca to do that, because that's the majority of Pagans!  (*grumble grumble* wishing that all Pagan clergy felt a need to learn at least something about the diverse religions under the umbrella *grumble*).  But one of the High Priestesses attended our Protogrove's Yule ritual and told me afterwards that it was lovely, and very interesting as well.  The Red Grail here is using its privilege (privilege gained not only by being Wiccan, but by having been around 20 plus years) to lift up and empower other Pagan traditions here in Nebraska, and I couldn't be more thankful that they are willing to do that.  This shows me that progress can be made - that it is possible for diverse groups to come together without erasing or watering down the various paths represented.  I understand that's not what many on either side want, and that's certainly their right; but I do honestly think that the Pagan (and polytheist) community would be better off keeping its diversity.

Coming up this fall, I am a committee member for Omaha Pagan Pride Day.  Last year, there weren't a lot of groups with tables, and those that had them were the usual Wiccanate.  But I did meet a Heathen from an Omaha kindred there, and my friend was able to give a presentation on ADF, and that gives me hope for this year.  I'd love to be able to get Nebraska Heathens United to have a table, maybe a spot on the presentation list (I haven't spoken with them about it yet, but I think it's so important that a diverse group of traditions come).  I want to reach out and see if I can find some other practitioners in the community who may want to present - I just met a Celtic Reconstructionist in the area, and I know a woman who does Kemetic stuff as part of their practice.  My personal attitude is bring it on!  All the diversity!  Though I know programming slots are limited, and I'm only one of five committee members, so I'm sure compromises will have to be made.  I'm just hoping to steer those compromises in the direction of more inclusion rather than less.

A common criticism leveled at those who talk about Wiccanate privilege is that other traditions just need to get involved, and the problem will naturally solve itself.  Since I started getting out into my local religious community, I've done nothing but get involved.  I am part of interfaith group discussions at the local UU church, I blog openly about my practice, experiences and beliefs, I attend and volunteer my time for many rituals of many different groups and traditions, I have held public Pagan gatherings in my own home for pete's sake!  Honestly, I don't have even a second of spare time to get more involved with the Pagan community.  I know there are many others who are not Wiccanate, who are giving all they can to the Pagan community, and they deserve to stop being told "just show up and things will be okay!".  Because it hasn't always been okay.  There is definitely a problem, shown by my earlier experience - and the first step to fixing it is taking the time to listen to people who practice differently from us.  When we listen, instead of assuming qualities like an earth-centered practice or belief in the unity of the divine, we learn something about the people we're interacting with - who may have none of those qualities at all!  Or they may have all of them.  But the best way to figure it out is to listen, instead of telling someone else what they believe, or how they must practice.

The Pagan Umbrella can be a Community

Last Saturday, I attended a Yule party, put together jointly by the Order of the Red Grail and Nebraska Heathens United.  Yes, you heard me correctly - some Wiccans got together with some Heathens, and managed to put on a fantastic party that most everyone in the community enjoyed.

The way that a lot of Pagans talk on the internet, a person might assume that different branches of Pagans don't have anything in common.  Not all Pagans are earth-centered, not all Pagans are polytheistic, not all Pagans celebrate the eight Sabbats, etc.  This is all true.  There is a huge amount of diversity and difference in the Pagan umbrella, and that's okay.  In fact, it's awesome.  Since most Pagan paths are rather tolerant of other people's ideas of religion or spirituality, there's no reason for us not to celebrate that diversity.  Unlike different Christian denominations that have argued for centuries about, for example, whether Mary had other kids or not; we as Pagans can accept that each of us has a different view of deity (or deities).

I see Paganism as a giant Venn diagram, with many circles.  In each path, and in each person, those circles will overlap differently - and some will not include some of the circles at all.  But what connects an urban-centered, hard-polytheistic Hellenismos follower with an earth-centered, pantheistic eclectic Wiccan is other Pagans, that each incorporate some of those circles in their own path (see example at left).  So the Wiccan who complains that they have zero in common with a Hellenismos follower is incorrect - they have other Pagans in common.

Now I've seen this argued over endlessly on the internet.  But do you know where I don't see it argued about?  My local community.  If a group of eclectic Wiccans and a group of Heathens can get together and plan a successful party, at which most people are enjoying themselves, then we as Pagans can have community with one another.  I think this is made infinitely easier in-person, because there are so many things that can be said over the internet that would not be said to a person's face.  It's difficult to look someone in the eye and insult them unless they truly deserve it.

I am, admittedly, a bit biased.  The Pagan community is something I care deeply about.  Though I am fairly specific in my own practice, I really want to be able to reach out to others who are different from me, learn from them and just.. exist in community with them.  This is part of the reason that my ultimate goal is to become a well-rounded Pagan clergy-person.  I want to be able to help and bring together people on many different paths.  This is a big part of the reason why I'm currently learning with a Wiccan coven - I'm not a Wiccan in my personal practice and haven't been for a long time - but there are many Pagans who are, and I want to be able to understand and help them as much as I would be able to understand a fellow ADF member.  And because all the people in that group are fantastic people, and I enjoy knowing them and spending time with them, regardless of the fact that we have different theological positions on the nature of the Gods.  While I acknowledge and accept that there are some Pagans who are happier remaining only among those who share their views; I think the majority of the Pagan community would be a happier and better place if we learned to work together with one another rather than at odds with each other.  It can be done!

High Holy Day Essay: Mabon (take 2)

For the Autumn Equinox, I attended a ritual held by the Order of the Red Grail. I had attended one Full Moon ritual with the group in August and enjoyed it very much. Again, the ritual was typically Wiccan in structure, using a procession into a circle to begin the rite. The quarters were called by four different participants, the God and Goddess invited by the two High Priestesses. The centerpiece of the ritual was a piece of ritual drama featuring Persephone's Descent into the Underworld. Each participant became an actor as well, playing the dead souls that lived in Hades' realm. Persephone was taken to the Underworld and was said to embark on a quest to build a better world for the dead to live in. Persephone then led a dance of the dead, each person getting an instrument such as a tambourine to play while they danced, raising energy by increasing the tempo until a final crescendo. I don't know much about Hellenic lore and couldn't say how accurate to it the play was, but it was quite enjoyable to participate in. Then the God and Goddess and the quarters were bid farewell, and the circle was closed. Afterwards, the group holds a potluck to encourage community which was very nice.

 I enjoyed this ritual a great deal more than the Lughnasadh ritual I attended. Those with reading parts were either very good readers or had practiced a bit beforehand, and that little bit of effort contributed greatly to the energy of the ritual. Also introducing something new and novel like the ritual drama, and pairing it with movement and active participation in the ritual dance, had a great effect. I was a solitary Wiccan for about 8 years before deciding to pursue Druidry, and when the elements were invoked in this circle I felt their familiar presence wash over me. I also felt very connected to the other ritual participants, and had a great deal of fun at the potluck despite my usual shyness.

On Being Involved, and Being Busy

I am a passionate person.  What that means to me is that I like to learn, and get involved in whatever it is that I'm exploring at the moment.  When I was younger, my interests often meant that I was the poor kid in a room full of kids with pretentious parents; so I've always felt I have to prove myself by doing more and being more than they were.  It instilled a deep love of learning in me.

Enter: Paganism.  Around age 15, I found Wicca for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham - I'm not sure that I'd recommend it nowadays that there's so much more available, but at the time, it was a huge find for me.  I stayed mostly Wiccish in my practice until I found ADF about a year and a half ago, and have been exploring Heathenry for the last six months as well.

Lately, I've also been making efforts to make connections with local Pagan groups.  It's highlighted how important community is in my spiritual life.  I've enjoyed the Wiccan and Wiccish rituals I've attended, loved the sumbel I attended last week, and I'm very much looking forward to the Druid group starting up.  Though honestly, I feel a little out of place in attending All of the Things.  I am a religious person; I grew up attending church Saturdays, Sundays, and Wednesdays - so groups that meet once a month for ritual honestly feel strange to me.  I want to learn as much as I can; I want to try being a student of a coven here in town, I want to finish the ADF Dedicant's Path, and I want to continue going to study groups - but I don't want to get burned out.  I'd even like to delve further into Heathenry and join the Troth, and possibly organize some kind of Pagan children's group, but again.. don't want to get burned out.

To be even more honest, I'm also afraid of the ever-looming label of eclectic.  I know this is not necessarily a negative thing, but it's a label I have never applied to myself because I really don't feel that it fits.  I'm a pretty hard polytheist, and I like to keep my cultures and my traditions separate and distinct - but as a potential student of both Wicca, Druidry and Heathenry, I think eclectic is probably a pretty reasonable label for me.  This is one reason inter-Pagan gatherings are so important to me.  Pagan Pride Day was held this weekend and I had a wonderful time.

As I am in this phase of deep learning, I'm going to give most everything a try.  And if it doesn't work out, or if I don't have the energy to keep it up, I am always able to scale things down; of course being careful not to make long-term commitments to things I may later have to bow out of.  But for now I am full of energy, and ready to tackle all the learning and involvement the Pagan community can throw my way!