Feeding Your Fire

Photo by Dirk Beyer

After coming home from Pagan Pride Day, I was exhausted.  That next morning, I didn't have the energy to get up and attend my local UU church with my children, and quickly realized as the day progressed that I didn't have the energy to go out and do much of anything.  After discovering my daughter was sick and taking her to Urgent Care, I honestly really didn't want to attend ritual with my local coven that night.  But I had said I would go, and so I wearily trudged out and attempted to make conversation and engage in my normal cheery attitude.

We talked about the dark time of the year, and the things that keep us going through the darkness.  We talked about those things singular to us, that make us who we are.  I'm not Wiccan, and though I enjoy both the company of those others in the coven and the inter-connectedness of our midwest Pagan community, it's sometimes tricky for me to pull meaning from the metaphors and language so common to Wiccan dialogue.  For instance, the concepts of Maiden, Mother and Crone are not powerful archetypes for me, and discussion of them and their relations to the season can sometimes go over my head.  But at these rituals, there are almost always powerful moments of community relation or introspection that are not specific to Wicca, that go straight through denominational lines and relate a message that is both needed and helpful.

During last night's ritual, we built a fire together as a community.  And together, we discovered within ourselves the things which keep our fire going during the times of darkness, when the sun diminishes and many people naturally feel a little more down, a little more tired.  For me, that thing is a joyful attitude.  Growing up as a sad little kid, my mother always taught me to 'fake it til you make it'; to smile at others no matter what you're feeling inside.  Though I know this can often be a very harmful message, it has ultimately proven to be a good one for me.  I don't talk about it much because of that same childhood conditioning, but I get depressed.  Often, and seriously.  But my smile, and cheerful attitude around others - something that people have often complimented me on throughout my life - often actually helps to lift the fog a bit.  It's so ingrained in me that I honestly can't not be cheerful with people I don't know extremely well; but my smiles spread smiles.  And the more I can brighten others' days, the more mine is brightened in return.  This is why getting out and doing social things can be so difficult sometimes - it's hard to prepare myself to be cheerful when I'm feeling awful or completely apathetic - but once I get out there, the light of others energizes my own heart.  Inspiring happiness in others feeds my fire.

Pagan Pride Day and an ADF Equinox Ritual

Pagan Pride Day Altar

This past Saturday, the Pagan Pride Day I'd spent the better part of my summer and fall helping to plan for was finally in full-swing.  We had about 120 people stop by, a good number of vendors and workshops, and overall I considered it a great success.  But it was also incredibly draining for me.  This actually is a fairly rare phenomenon - usually I get energy from events, even ones that I put a lot of work into planning and executing.  But Sunday, the day after, I was just exhausted both physically and emotionally.  Leading two rituals, giving a workshop, and generally schmoozing all day just wore me out - not to mention being out in the sun for 11 hours.

Our closing ritual was an ADF one, led by Prairie Shadow Protogrove, honoring the spirits of the harvest as the beings of occasion.  I wrote this one awhile ago, actually sitting at the park location for some of my writing.  I think it's one of the best rituals I've ever written, actually; and it's one of the most participated in rituals we've ever held.  Everyone came up and gave praise offerings, all in a line - it was almost like watching communion at a church, except this was people who were giving to the gods.  While reading the welcoming phrases, I felt I was truly connecting with the spirits of that lovely place; a place I'd spent a few years living near, spirits I had grown up loving and honoring.  When I called to the spirits of the shoreline to aid in the opening of the Gates, I remembered being a little girl exploring the icy edges of that lake, falling through a weak spot and ending up soaked up to my knees.  When I called to the spirits of the treeline, I remembered climbing high up in the branches of the pines, hands sticky with sap, waving in the wind.  These spirits were my friends from long ago.  It was incredibly powerful.

I've always had a close connection with the natural world, ever since my Grandmother took me out walking and talking to trees as a little girl.  I know I've written about it here before.  I heard someone say at Midnight Flame, an ADF festival I attended recently, that in ADF there are many people who feel drawn largely towards one of the specific Kindred, and I think that I am one of those people.  I honor the Gods, I love my Ancestors, and make regular sacrifices to both - but there is something so immediate, so material about the oak in my backyard when compared to those beings.  I can touch it, feel it, understand what it wants.  The squirrels that run through my yard and feast on acorns chat with me, look at me, engage with me - just as I engage with them.  I have always loved them, because they have always been there.  The land wights are not an abstract concept that I learned about later in my life, but a presence that I grew up with, that I ran to for refuge when people felt too difficult.  This is not to say that those who are deity- or ancestor-centered are wrong for connecting more with those Kindred - it's just a difference that helps make up the diverse tapestry of ADF.

Resource for Children's Rituals

While stumbling about the internet today, I came across a wonderful resource for children's ritual that I had to stop by and share!

The website of Charter Oak Grove ADF has an entire section devoted to rituals for each of the High Days designed specifically for children.  While the rituals are written according to ADF's Core Order of Ritual, there's also a nice amount of resources for Pagan children of any path that honors Celtic deities.  Their book about the Kindreds (ancestors, nature spirits, and gods and goddesses) is available in print from Lulu.

I hope this is helpful to some parents and groups out there who might be having trouble coming up with ritual ideas for children!

Children's Book Review: Heetunka's Harvest

Heetunka's Harvest: A Tale of the Plains Indians
Retold by Jennifer Berry Jones

I picked this book up from the library's pile of Fall-themed children's books because the mouse was cute.  I usually do a bit of a content preview because there's often either a bit of Jesus or unnecessary violence hiding in this midwestern library's children's section; but I didn't have the time, and so grabbed a couple of titles that looked promising.  Maybe I should do that more often!

This is a wonderful story for any Pagan children, regardless of their cultures or the deities their parents honor.  It is a story about sharing with and caring for nature and the nature spirits all around us; a story about our essential connection to them.

Heetunka is a plains mouse that gathers little white beans every winter.  In the story, a group of Souix Indians come to trade with her in the fall season, leaving corn or suet in place of the beans they take from her storehouse.  One woman, not considering the life of Heetunka, decides to be greedy and take all the beans without leaving anything in trade.  Because of her rash actions and haughty attitude, eventually she is punished by a prairie fire burning the tipi to the ground.

This story has a wonderful message about the interconnctedness of all life, and the importance of being good and kind even to those who seem like they can't do anything to harm us.  There is an end of fall/harvest theme that would work well around Mabon, Samhain or Winterfinding.  One word of warning: there is a brief speech by the woman's husband which came across rather rudely; but as a parent I'm very used to selectively editing stories as I read them.  If this is something you'd like to have an older child read, it may be good to discuss the actions of the husband as inappropriate also.  Otherwise, the book sparked a wonderful discussion between my five year old and I about the web of life, and how our actions affect many other beings that we share our world with.

High Holy Day Essay: Mabon (take 2)

For the Autumn Equinox, I attended a ritual held by the Order of the Red Grail. I had attended one Full Moon ritual with the group in August and enjoyed it very much. Again, the ritual was typically Wiccan in structure, using a procession into a circle to begin the rite. The quarters were called by four different participants, the God and Goddess invited by the two High Priestesses. The centerpiece of the ritual was a piece of ritual drama featuring Persephone's Descent into the Underworld. Each participant became an actor as well, playing the dead souls that lived in Hades' realm. Persephone was taken to the Underworld and was said to embark on a quest to build a better world for the dead to live in. Persephone then led a dance of the dead, each person getting an instrument such as a tambourine to play while they danced, raising energy by increasing the tempo until a final crescendo. I don't know much about Hellenic lore and couldn't say how accurate to it the play was, but it was quite enjoyable to participate in. Then the God and Goddess and the quarters were bid farewell, and the circle was closed. Afterwards, the group holds a potluck to encourage community which was very nice.

 I enjoyed this ritual a great deal more than the Lughnasadh ritual I attended. Those with reading parts were either very good readers or had practiced a bit beforehand, and that little bit of effort contributed greatly to the energy of the ritual. Also introducing something new and novel like the ritual drama, and pairing it with movement and active participation in the ritual dance, had a great effect. I was a solitary Wiccan for about 8 years before deciding to pursue Druidry, and when the elements were invoked in this circle I felt their familiar presence wash over me. I also felt very connected to the other ritual participants, and had a great deal of fun at the potluck despite my usual shyness.

S is for Sumbel

Last night I had the privilege to attend my first sumbel with Nebraska Heathens United.  Of course, in the many books I've read about Heathenism and the Germanic tradition, many of them have talked at length about how Heathenism is not a solitary religion.  It's important to build community.  Being a fairly solitary person naturally, it's difficult for me to understand how something could be made inherently 'better' by a group - but I think, after last night, I understand a bit better.

First there was a nice talk about Freyfaxi, the harvest holiday, and Winterfinding, which commemorates the coming of winter, during which we each talked about our own harvests, and the signs of winter we've been seeing around us.  Particularly, I've been starting to notice more and more geese flying by, as there's a nice big field up the street they like to stop and rest in.

Then we held Sumbel.  Three rounds of toasts - the first to the Gods, the second to our honored Ancestors, and the third for boasts or oaths; all done with the most delicious homemade mead and (I think, I don't know much about alcohol at all!) wine.  The fellowship of having a room full of twenty-some people all toasting the Gods I honor has had a tremendous impact on me.  The religion of our ancestors, though obviously impossible to reconstruct, was, if nothing else, a social religion.  They held many gatherings probably very similar to the one I attended last night.  The people of Nebraska Heathens United, and the others who attended, created a fellowship that felt authentic.  I can not even describe how much I underestimated community in the honoring of the spirit of Germanic Paganism.

High Holy Day Essay - Mabon

Mabon is done and past, and my oldest daughter and I had a lovely ritual to celebrate.  Now, this essay is for my ADF Dedicant's Path requirements, and it's recommended that you keep it around 100 words; so I'll have to try not to be too wordy.

On Monday, September 24th, I began setting up for what I thought would be a solitary Autumnal Equinox ritual in the Proto Indo-European hearth culture; but my oldest daughter (age 4) decided to join me as well!  We followed the ADF Core Order of Ritual, ringing a bell to initiate the rite, then taking nine deep and cleansing breaths to purify and center ourselves.  We offered oats and a cherry tomato from the garden to the Earth Mother, and stated that our purpose was a celebration of our wonderful harvest.  We offered to the Fire, Well, and Tree, opened the Gates, and invited the Kindred while giving them offerings of incense and libations of water.  We did not invite any Deities of the Occasion, as my path is centered around the Earth Mother and this seemed very much one of Her holidays.  We offered more offerings to Her, and took the Omen with Tarot cards: first was the Nine of Swords, and so we went back and offered more incense to each of the Kindreds.  The second card pulled was the Sun, so we moved on to calling the blessings.  We called the blessings into a chalice of water and each drank deep.  We then thanked the Kindreds and closed the Gates, and finally thanked the Earth Mother and closed the rite.

It was a very nice ritual, though peppered with questions from my daughter since she's never attended a formal ADF-style ritual.  We both felt it was a very sacred time, and felt the Earth's energy as we went outside to pour out the libations and other offerings in the garden.  I did feel a bit strange working out the 'Deities of the Occasion' portion; as I said, the Earth Mother is sort of my patron deity, and so I choose to honor Her during the agricultural festivals.  It's hard to capture the beauty and sacredness of such a ritual with  a word limit and need to describe in detail, but it was a very beautiful occasion.

Preparing for Mabon

The nights are becoming a bit longer, the days a bit shorter.  Here on the prairie, we've been watching the canadian geese and many other birds pass us by on their way south.  My extremely late-planted garden is finally yielding a harvest, and even some of the trees are yellowing a bit.  There's no denying it: Fall is upon us.

Maybe it's because fall is not my favorite season - I have trouble seeing the good in cold weather, and no matter how hot it's been I miss summer already!  Maybe it's because this is my first year really gardening and providing part of my own subsistence.  Whatever it is, I have a really hard time distinguishing between the holidays of Lughnasadh and Mabon.  Sure, Lughnasadh is the bread feast while Mabon is more about fruits and veggies, but to me it's never been enough of a difference to really set the two holidays apart.  So this Mabon will be my attempt to really appreciate the holiday in a way that is separate and distinct from the first of the Harvest holidays.


First of all, and most importantly, this year my feast will have fruits and veggies from my own garden.  There's nothing better than homegrown tomatoes, and I plan to make good use of them.  Homemade veggie pizza is on the menu, and hopefully my bell peppers will start fruiting in time to be included!  All this feasting is very similar to Lughnasadh, and honestly if I'd have gotten my plants in the ground earlier, they'd probably be ready for a first harvest closer to the first of August than September.

I recently was reminded of the liminal between-ness of the equinoxes, and I'm hoping to really recognize that this year.  Samhain is traditionally the feast of the ancestors, spoken of as the festival where the veil between our world and theirs is the thinnest; but perhaps Mabon can be thought of as sort of the twilight before Samhain's full darkness.  The light thins and comes through only in slanting rays, as all the colors mix together and the world goes in to a soft-focus of sorts.  Whereas Samhain is for the ancestors, and Lughnasadh seems uniquely fitted to celebrating the nature spirits, perhaps Mabon is the perfect holiday for really getting in touch with the gods and goddesses.  In my tradition, before the sun or moon were placed in the sky light came from another source, one that never really rose or set but instead faded in and out between silver and gold.  The world was bathed in the same half-light that I imagine Mabon represents.  So for me, I want to establish this holiday as reminiscent of that same time, when the gods and goddesses walked under the trees and helped to shape the world.